Parliament of Oddballs

We just attended the French science-fiction convention Utopiales, in Nantes, and I wrote a new article of stories and photos for our "French Adventures" website area. It was great fun, but I'll let anyone interested go and read the article, which goes into more detail.

Also, wonder upon wonders, I finally wrote our article "Four Years On", about our fourth year of life in France. It's only about six months late, but that's a good sign, in this case.

Back when we moved here, our friend Trish told me something very portentous. I'd said something to her about other expats, and she gave me the somber warning that most expats were, by and large, horrid. IIRC she commented that dark secrets were the norm. So, I've been curious as the years have passed to meet and observe other expats, and see what I think of them. And, by and large, I've come to agree with her.... people who go off to live in other countries are a weird bunch.

Not all of them, though - In fact, I can pretty much divide 95% of the expats I've encountered into a few simple categories: The Vacationers, The Posh, The Dreamers, The Retirees, and the Insane. I've spent a good bit of time recently on the Brittany forum for English speakers in France, and find I have virtually nothing in common with the majority of them. There are a few folks there that I like very much, but also some real wankers, and overall I've concluded that it isn't a forum that I'll ever participate in beyond the "information exchange" level - That is, where to find good prices on this, or best times to buy tickets for that, etc.

Anne from BlueVicar.com wrote me with this: "I am interested in your comments on community...or lack there of...amongst other expatriates. Just because someone hails from our homeland doesn't make them a pal, that's for sure. I often feel quite the opposite, but there does seem to be something about people who are willing to live abroad...and the way they see the world. I find it fascinating! The more stories I read, the more interested I become." I've found that the simple fact that someone has moved to another country is no guarantee I'll want to spend five minutes with them. Show me a fellow who has a full bookshelf collection of HP Lovecraft and it's hot odds we'll get on like a house afire, but introduce me to "This is So-and-So, who moved here from California, so you two have something in common" and I'm likely to regard the person more like a suddenly-discovered bodily growth.

I speak from experience. Truly, there are some expats, a very rare percentage, who are genuinely fascinating and intelligent and sane, but for the most part they tend to lump together like so:

The Vacationers
These people are in France for work. Yeah, I know that seems like the wrong term, but through their jobs they are essentially experiencing France as a vacation. Their corporation has transferred them here and paid all their expenses, plus probably handling the details of renting or buying them a house. This is not an experience of living in France, this is a paid vacation, and they very very often have really skewed views of just what France is, based on their blinkered experience of it. Tell-tale signs - Lots of talk about wine and cheese and how much paid vacation time they have here, coupled with random griping about anything that isn't like it was "back home".

The Posh
Wealthy, usually British folks who aren't really expats, they just have a "summer house" in Brittany. Easily identifiable by their Range Rovers and yacht club insignias, not to mention accents, no one in their right mind wants to get stuck at a party trying to talk to these people. Their view of France: A giant personal playground that exists to furnish them with good wine and cheese, if only they could do something about the "help".

The Dreamers
This is where, I hope, I fit best (either here or 'The Insane'). That narrow slice of the population that have their heads in the clouds and try to follow their dreams as best they're able. They're not stupid but usually also not rich, and if you luck into meeting one at an expat gathering you can be sure to have a good conversation.

The Retirees
France is in danger of becoming the UK's old age home. I'm amazed at the number of Brits I hear who want to retire to France. I barely survived the cultural transition at the flexible age of 36... Do these people have any clue what they're in for? Obvious signs - Grey hair, sandals and socks, and lots of overheard mumbling about the things they don't like in the UK these days. Amusingly, plenty of retired Brits seem to think that rural France will be more like the England of their youth. I say "amusingly" because, well, I'm usually amused to witness the results of this misapprehension.

The Insane
Yeah, Them. If you've been to any gathering of expats, you know them. Too bat-shit to be accepted at home, they've gone abroad hoping that their personal brand of lunacy won't be noticed as much in another language. Unfortunately, as expats they keep getting introduced to more expats like themselves, and their bizarre behavior finds fertile soil and just gets more entrenched. Crucial warning signs include tinfoil hats, furtive & obvious paranoia, and very loud and totally one-sided opinions on anything and everything under the sun, regardless of whether they actually know anything about said topic...

So, this is why I'm much more likely to be enthused when a French friend says, "Hey, let me introduce you to Pierre Marceau, you'll like him, he's a big fan of sci-fi films" than when someone says,"Hey, I have GOT to introduce you to this guy Bango Jinkers that lives near here, he's American too, and you're sure to have lots in common!" To which I say, "Yikes."